Always In: The Shore Series Book 2 Read online

  He grabs me and sobs. I hadn't cried until now.

  "Har, I love you more than any other person on this planet. You are my rock. My solid. How...how am I going to get along without you?"

  My words are muffled because my face is buried in his shirt.

  "You'll do just fine. You can come and see me anytime. I'll be back at Christmas and for a few weeks next summer. I'll come visit you in Sandy Cove ’cause I know that's where you'll be. Besides, you have Ally now. She'll occupy your time wisely." I pull back and look at my baby brother's tear-soaked face. I wipe at the dampness and wink at him and he laughs. I hear over the public address system that my plane will be boarding in thirty minutes.

  "I better get going. I love you so much, Craw. Thank you for always being by my side. Thank you for being my rock, my solid." We fist pound and I walk away. I look behind me as I walk, watching my little brother cry and wipe at his eyes. This hurts. This hurts so bad. Saying goodbye hurts. But it's supposed to.

  I find Daniel and he kisses me hello.

  "Hello, beautiful girl. You okay?" His lovely eyes are so full of love for me so I smile at him and nod. We take our seats. Daniel reads the paper and I just sit and look at the sea of people coming and going, greeting loved ones, and saying goodbye to them, too. I see happiness and pain when I look at these strangers. I also see hope and promise and my heart starts to ache a little more with each passing second. Each time the clock gets closer to the time we board, the sharp pain in my chest increases. It's just nerves. I'll be fine. However, as the moments pass, I feel the same sensations in my belly and mind that I felt a few days ago. I felt like I was the missing piece to the puzzle that was put together, and it dawns on me. The solution was in front of me the whole time; I just didn't open my eyes wide enough to see it. This broken brain of mine may not work like it used to, but this heart of mine does.

  I grab onto Daniel's hand and clutch it for dear life. He turns to me and I see his gorgeous amber eyes.

  "Daniel?"

  EPILOGUE

  Cruz~

  If people had told me I'd feel like this forever, I would have called them big fucking liars. The air will never be the same, the sun will never shine the same, food will give off a different taste. Everything in my life will never be the same. The one thing, the most important thing that will never be the same is my heart. I can't explain this feeling. I can't get past it. I don't think I ever will. There are so many emotions that remain, so much turmoil still lingering, but yet I can't believe where I am. What I’m experiencing. It's like this - you win some you lose some. When you win, like when you're on the boardwalk and play the game where you pop that balloon with a dart, no matter how old you are, you still feel triumphant that you did it. You know that you're going to have your choice of the best prize. But when you lose, holy shit, do you ever. The disappointment and the anger. Yes, I know it's just a stupid game in the end, but you still feel pissed. But it's not really about the winning, or the losing. It's about what you gain by experiencing both. At one time I had the best prize, the Academy Award, the Silver Star, the Purple Heart all rolled into one. Then I lost it. It slipped through my fingers. I had no control. I learned that losing wasn't my fault. I could have thought of a thousand scenarios where the circumstances could have been different. There were things I could have changed, or not have changed. Decisions that I made were not a direct result of what had happened. I stopped beating myself up about it, accepted that no matter what, the path was the path, and for us, it was chosen from day one. The ups, the downs, the misunderstandings, the lies…the hurt, and the love. It was all there and I can't go back and change it now. It's history. Our history. It is what made us, us. I'll never look back or regret a thing. No matter what.

  When I won the prize of all prizes, I cherished it. I held it close, protected it for as long as I could, but fear got in the way. Selfishness and insecurity made me lose the only thing that ever mattered in my life.

  Giving in to love was the best mistake I ever made. Giving in doesn't mean you just say, “to hell with it, okay.” It means so much more than that. It's giving in to the mistakes you've made along the way, just as much as it's admitting you are not perfect. It's reaching inside yourself and traveling to a place where you have never been, nor never even entertained the idea of visiting. You pull out all those bad things that you thought you were—the bad things you were trying to store deep down—you display the bad so no one could really see what was truly there. You build up the wall and can’t fathom the idea of someone knocking it down, because for years and years you spent that time building it. Then someone walks into your life and boom! Like the Berlin Wall, it crashes down and reveals the real you. Love does that to you. The love of another person.

  It took me a long time to realize there was anything good about me. All it took was that one person to make me see. I probably knew the good was in there somewhere. I just needed the boost.

  So I gave into love. I found it, I savored it, and then it was gone. I can never say I didn't fight hard enough, that I didn't give it my all. ’Cause I did. I fought for love harder than any war I had ever fought in. I can say I did my best. I gave it my all.

  As I lie here in this darkened room with just the street light peeking through the open window and the smell of the sea air wafting in, I can't help wonder how things could have turned out so differently. I’m not going to beat myself up with the “would've, could've, should've.” This is the path that was chosen for me. You can't change destiny, you can't predict the outcome of the game, no matter how many darts you throw at the balloon. It is what it is. Life's a real motherfucker that way. Trust me, I know.

  Now I have to live with the outcome of the game. You want to know what hand I was dealt? You really want to know how many balloons I shot a dart at to win?

  A helluva lot.

  And you want to know another thing? I’m a big, fat liar. Hell, yeah. Winning matters ’cause laying here next to me is my prize.

  My Harlow. My Turnip.

  She's here with her bare arm across my chest as she snuggles her head into the crook of my shoulder with her silken hair tickling my chest as she breathes in and out. Our legs are linked together like some puzzle, and the smell of her, the fucking smell of her - I'll never get tired of it.

  It’s our little world and I feel so blessed that we are both living in it.

  By now you've figured out Harlow didn't go with Daniel to England. Sorry if I gave you a little scare. And I’m not going to lie and say I knew she'd wind up not going. I totally thought she’d leave. She desperately wanted to be a mom. I was so numb, so lost. I called Porter and Max. I told them I needed to go to the place where she lingered in the air. The place where it all began. Even though I said I'd never return to Sandy Cove, something in my heart told me I needed to. I felt weightless, like I was drifting above my body as we drove. When I got to Porter's and climbed out of the car, I had no idea how my legs were going to carry me up the flight of wooden steps to the door. My body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. Every muscle ached along with my head and heart. I walked straight through the front door and out the back toward the dock. I sat in one chair and stared at the empty one. The one Harlow had always occupied. Whether she was pissed off at me for something, stealing my coffee, fishing with me, or just being beside me, that was her chair.

  Porter said it was a bad idea to be out there and convinced me to go to Jax. Of all places.

  Christ almighty.

  I went. I sat. I stared at the pool balls being knocked around by Porter and Max. I drank a beer. I mean, one. I just wasn't in the mood. Max asked me to go to the bar and grab him and Porter some shots. I wasn't having any but Max was setting up his shot, so I went to get them.

  Jax was crowded. It starts to get busy this time of year. I made my way to the bar and waited for the bartender to come and take my order. I leaned on it, looked down on the grainy wood, remembering the smell of this place, and then a scent filled my nostril
s. A familiar one. I thought it was just some girl wearing the same body lotion until I felt a hand on my shoulder and a breath in my ear.

  She whispered, "Excuse me, Officer, but can you direct me to the nearest bathroom?"

  So here we are, Harlow and Cruz. My Turnip is in my arms. I rushed her back here as soon as I turned around and saw those sweet freckles.

  She couldn't go through with it. She told Daniel that she loved him, but she was in love with me. She said he’d known, he’d felt it. He thought eventually she'd fall in love with him, but the certainty wasn't there. The only thing certain was she loved me. Me.

  I give Daniel Mathewson mad props and have big respect for being the sort of man who accepts what’s not meant to be and lets someone like Harlow go. I’m sure it wasn't easy...actually...I’ve been there and it fucking blows!

  She said she made a mistake and she didn’t think she deserved a second chance, but I’m a firm believer in second chances. Harlow has had to deal with the pain of losing her memory, the pain of regaining some of it, and the pain of making decisions, that in some ways, she had no control over. Some of them—yeah, I’ll tell you—I wanted to hate her for, but in the end we all deserve a second chance. With my Turnip there’s no other option for me than to accept that she struggled with her decision, but in the end, she made the right one. She chose us.

  She stirs and groans as I tickle her neck with my hair.

  "Turnip, get up. The sun is going to come up soon. Want to go to the dock and watch it?"

  "Ugh...are you serious? You kept me up most of the night. I’m not going to be able to walk right for a week, not that I could in the first place.”

  See Morty had a lot of making up to do. He missed his girl. I can’t really control him around Harlow.

  "Oh, stop. Come on or do I have to put on my whiney, baby voice to get my way."

  She sits up and rubs her eyes and the street light illuminates her skin. Her breasts fall naturally and her hair lingers in front of her face and on her shoulders. People say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If that's the case, I'll be-holding onto to this beauty forever.

  That was a joke. A total Cruz joke.

  I still gotta be me.

  We stick some clothes on and go down to the dock. It's so quiet except for a few seagulls that have decided to wake up a little early. The sky is turning pink and at any minute the sun will be up, shining on the waters of the bay.

  I look at her. She's the woman I pictured sitting next to me all gray and wrinkly. She's the only one I ever saw and always will.

  "Turnip?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I got something I need to ask you if that's okay?"

  "Cruz, I’m not doing it in the butt with you, so forget it."

  I roll my eyes. That was so totally not what I was going to ask, but one can dream, right?

  "That's not it, Turnip."

  "No threesomes either."

  I grasp my chest with my hand.

  "Jesus, woman! What kind of perv do you take me for?"

  "A big one."

  "That hurts, baby. Really. But since we're on the subject, I saw this really hot chick—"

  She jumps up and falls into my lap and covers my mouth to shut me up. I take her hands away and replace them with my mouth. I could kiss this woman forever.

  And I’m going to.

  "No seriously, I have to ask you something."

  "Sure, shoot."

  "Do you believe in miracles?"

  "I guess so, why?"

  "Do you believe me when I say how much I love you, that it’s forever and always?"

  "Yes." She smiles and kisses the tip of my nose as her hands play with my unruly bed head.

  "Do you believe it when I tell you that if you wanted a kid someday I would look into every miracle there was to try and figure out that solution?"

  "Cruz, I’m not getting where this conversation is going."

  "I’m not done yet, so if for once you would let me finish, I'll explain."

  "This is what I promise you. I promise to always tell you the truth. I promise to carry you up to bed when your legs are hurting. I promise to hold your hair back from inside of the toilet when you have one too many beers and you puke. I promise to always make sweet, sweet love to you under the Christmas tree." I lift her off my lap, cradle her in my arms and place her in the chair I was sitting in. I get down on my knee and I pull out the ring. The one I went back to buy at that little antique estate store I got Avery's baby present in. The sapphire. I bought it after our night in Sandy Cove, when we just held each other all night. I never returned it, even after our last night in Sandy Cove. It was always going be her ring. I'd never give it to someone else. It belonged on her finger. The one with the color the same as her eyes, the eyes I’m watching now with shock clearly displayed in them. Her jaw hangs open as I take her hand and dangle the ring in front of her finger.

  "I promise I will love you if the world thinks it should just be you and me, and I will love you if we are blessed enough to adopt a baby, or use a surrogate, and yes, Turnip, I have done my research as well, and I know those eggs of yours are still in there, and that could be our miracle. When we are ready, we'll see what we can do about making you a mommy and me a daddy. But let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet."

  She laughs and cries and wipes at her nose with her free hand.

  "For now, Harlow Hannum, my Turnip, the one-night stand who made me fall in love with her, will you give me the miracle of becoming my wife?"

  She doesn't speak, only nods and cries so I don't wait for the yes. I got my answer so I slip the ring on her tiny finger. She holds my face and showers me with kisses.

  I pull away from her. "You did nod yes, right, or did I just make a gigantic ass out of myself?"

  She shakes her head. "No, of course I'll marry you, and yes, you are and always will be a gigantic ass. But I love you because you are one. Always."

  I hug her and hold her tightly to my body. This woman is my miracle. She was put on this earth for me. Only for me. I let her go one too many times and that will never happen again. Who would have thought a girl I banged in a bar bathroom almost two years ago would agree to be my wife? Me.

  Raphael Cruz. Reformed man-whore and soon to be husband.

  Morty should be a happy camper. He'll be very active for the next fifty years or so.

  "Are you happy, Turnip?" I look at her beaming face. She looks at her ring then back at me.

  “Yes. I am. I knew it all along that it was you I wanted, but it just took me a little longer to figure it out. Inside my heart I knew we belonged together. My broken brain - well that took a little time to catch up with my heart and I’m so sorry for the pain that caused you. I always will be. But I’m here and I’m never going anywhere again. With you is where I belong. I’m in, baby. Always.”

  My girl, my love, the one who owns my soul. She was once lost, but she found her way back to me. This time she’s the one who gave in.

  "Me too, baby. I'll always be in."

  THE END

  Coming soon: Max and Willow’s Story in “Stumbling In” (The Shore Series) #3

  Stay connected to M.R Joseph. Follow her on Twitter @redkar_m

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  Amazon: amazon.com/mrjoseph

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  I’m a book nerd turned writer who loves the “Happily Ever After” mixed with a bit of suspense, drama, and the occasional cliffhanger! My Kindle is glued to my hands most of the time, but I still love the look and feel of a paperback.

  My love of books led me toward my writing journey and I hope and pray it continues.

  When I’m not reading you can find me hanging with my handsome husband, two gorgeous kiddos, and the cutest Goldendoodle dog on the East Coast.

 
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